I am 23 weeks pregnant and we are both 22. He doesnt smoke around me but he leaves at night to go smoke with his friends, then come home at 2am. He used to smoke almost daily but now hes down to a few times a week. Is it okay for me to be bothered by this? I just want him to grow up!! His friends are losers and are going no where. They sit in a garage all day getting high. What do I do?
Answer:
Of course it is okay to be bothered by this. You now have a childs life in your hands and you are starting to think about what is best for that child and having a responsible father is one of those thinga. Have you talked to him and told him the importance of the changes that will be happening in your lives and that the baby will need a lot of care and you will need his help with it (especially in the middle of the night)? Explain to him that you need him to be there to help you instead of being out with his friends and that your child needs a responsible role model in his/her life, not someone who’s out with friends until a ridiculous hour breaking the law several times a week.
Another important part of this is setting boundaries and sticking with them. When you talk to him, tell him that you now have this child to be responsible for and you need him to stop smoking weed in order to be a responsible parent as well. He might not like it but your childs life and well being is the most important thing in your life now. If he refuses to stop, which he very well may, then you need to stick to your guns. What you do from that point is up to you but honestly what I would do is tell him that if he won’t stop then he will lose both you and your child (but if you tell him this you must be prepared to actually do it). After that it will go one of two ways – he will stop or he will say to hell with it and go right back to the way he was. If he tells you that you can’t keep his child from him, inform him that he will have to take you to court in order to get visitation and file for child support. When you go to court, inform the judge of his drug use and state that, while you want your childs father in your childs life, that you do not feel comfortable with your child being alone with him because of his drug use. At the very least the judge will order supervised visitation pending a drug test.